Post by Eli Brayley on May 29, 2009 15:55:32 GMT -7
I often feel like this.
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Stupid Creature!
(Letters of John Newton)
"What a wretched man I am!" Romans 7:24
January 27, 1778
My dear friend,
At present it is January with me--both within and without. The outward sun shines and looks pleasant--but his beams are faint, and too feeble to dissolve the frost.
Is it just so in my heart. I have many bright and pleasant beams of truth in my mind's view--but they have but little power to warm my heart--and cold predominates in my frost-bound spirit!
I could tell a stranger something about Jesus, which would perhaps astonish him--such a glorious person is He! Such wonderful love! Such humiliation! Such a life! Such a death! I could tell of what He is in Himself, and what He is to His people! What a sun! What a shield! What a fortress! What a friend! My tongue can run on upon these themes sometimes; and could my heart keep pace with it--I would be the happiest fellow in the country! Stupid creature! to know these things so well--and yet be no more affected with them!
Indeed, I have reason to be upon ill terms with myself! It is strange that pride should ever find anything in my experience to feed upon--but this completes my character for folly, vileness, and inconsistency--that I am not only vile--but proud! And though I am convinced I am a very wretch, and nothing before the Lord--yet I am prone to go forth among my fellow-worms, as though I were wise and good!
You ask me what I am doing. I must admit, that too much of my time passes in busy idleness, too much in waking dreams. I aim at something--but hindrances from within and without--make it difficult for me to accomplish anything! I dare not say that I am absolutely idle, or that I willfully waste much of my time. I have seldom one hour free from interruption: letters come that must be answered, visitors who must be received, and business which must be attended to. I have a good many sheep and lambs to look after--sick and afflicted souls, dear to the Lord--and these must not be neglected. Among these various avocations, night comes before I am ready for noon!
O precious, irrecoverable time! O that I had more wisdom in redeeming and improving you!
I beg you to pray for me. I am a poor creature--and full of needs. I seem to need . . .
the wisdom of Solomon,
the meekness of Moses, and
the zeal of Paul--
to enable me to fulfill my ministry.
---------------
Stupid Creature!
(Letters of John Newton)
"What a wretched man I am!" Romans 7:24
January 27, 1778
My dear friend,
At present it is January with me--both within and without. The outward sun shines and looks pleasant--but his beams are faint, and too feeble to dissolve the frost.
Is it just so in my heart. I have many bright and pleasant beams of truth in my mind's view--but they have but little power to warm my heart--and cold predominates in my frost-bound spirit!
I could tell a stranger something about Jesus, which would perhaps astonish him--such a glorious person is He! Such wonderful love! Such humiliation! Such a life! Such a death! I could tell of what He is in Himself, and what He is to His people! What a sun! What a shield! What a fortress! What a friend! My tongue can run on upon these themes sometimes; and could my heart keep pace with it--I would be the happiest fellow in the country! Stupid creature! to know these things so well--and yet be no more affected with them!
Indeed, I have reason to be upon ill terms with myself! It is strange that pride should ever find anything in my experience to feed upon--but this completes my character for folly, vileness, and inconsistency--that I am not only vile--but proud! And though I am convinced I am a very wretch, and nothing before the Lord--yet I am prone to go forth among my fellow-worms, as though I were wise and good!
You ask me what I am doing. I must admit, that too much of my time passes in busy idleness, too much in waking dreams. I aim at something--but hindrances from within and without--make it difficult for me to accomplish anything! I dare not say that I am absolutely idle, or that I willfully waste much of my time. I have seldom one hour free from interruption: letters come that must be answered, visitors who must be received, and business which must be attended to. I have a good many sheep and lambs to look after--sick and afflicted souls, dear to the Lord--and these must not be neglected. Among these various avocations, night comes before I am ready for noon!
O precious, irrecoverable time! O that I had more wisdom in redeeming and improving you!
I beg you to pray for me. I am a poor creature--and full of needs. I seem to need . . .
the wisdom of Solomon,
the meekness of Moses, and
the zeal of Paul--
to enable me to fulfill my ministry.
