Post by rivqah on Nov 11, 2008 9:09:02 GMT -7
I found this article from the New York Times. I am trying to write an article for the majority of christian women who are forced to work but don't want to. I may possibly even write a book to help these forgotten women. I don't know what the status is of the woman in this article but working a 10 hour a day job starting at 3am with five kids I can relate.
If anyone knows of a websight, article sermon or anything for that matter that talks about the role of men working and the woman's role at home I would appreciate it. There is plenty on feminism, the role of a man or woman spiritually or physically but very little about what to do if you want to stay home but your husband forces you to work or won't let you quit your job. Most women that I know if they quit thier jobs it would destroy thier marriage. Ask any woman what her husband would say if she decided to quit her job and I rest my case. : )
Anyway, I want to help these forgotten women on how to make the best of things if you are forced to work.
Any info. you have is appreciated.
Thanks guys!
This Is Not God's Plan For A Family:
June 13, 1999
For Employed Moms, the Pinnacle of Stress Comes After Work Ends
By ALICE LESCH KELLY
usan Reiche, a public policy manager at AT&T in Basking Ridge, N.J., can handle what work throws at her from 9 to 5. It's what life throws at her between 5 and 9 that pushes her to the limit.
After she flips off her office computer, she hurries to a day care center to pick up her 4-year-old son and then rushes across town to fetch her 7-year-old daughter from an after-school program. She makes a quick trip to the store to buy food for dinner, then zips home, where she lets the dog out, makes dinner, referees a fight or two between the children, feeds the dog, says hello to her husband, gives her son a bath, helps her daughter with her spelling words, tosses a load of laundry into the washing machine, plays with her children, reads with them and puts them to bed.
Finally, about 9 P.M., she has a minute to sit down. Whew.
"Before that, the feeling is that if I can sit down, then I'm not doing everything I need to do," said Ms. Reiche, 37. "Most of the time, I don't even have a chance to change out of my work clothes."
For working mothers like Ms. Reiche, the evening is when all the roles they juggle -- employee, mother, wife -- come crashing together as they try to separate from work, spend time with their children and reconnect with their spouses. It's also a short window of time for a long list of chores, from homework to housework.
"For most working mothers, this is the most stressful part of the day," said Alice D. Domar, the director of the Mind/Body Center for Women's Health at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center, a Harvard University teaching hospital in Boston.
As Dr. Domar's research has shown, unrelenting stress is more than just an irritation. It can take a physical toll on a woman's body, weakening her immune system, threatening her cardiovascular system and contributing to headaches, backaches, gastrointestinal distress and insomnia.
Some of the factors that make up the evening rush could be described as the duel of the deadlines, the missing co-pilot and the unpredictable audience.
Just getting out of the office on time can jangle the nerves of the calmest of women, especially as the American economy has moved away from shift work. And day care centers and baby sitters can be just as unyielding, as any mother who's been scolded by a baby sitter or charged $1 a minute in late fees at a day care center that closes at 5:30 on the dot knows.
For Victoria Parker, 30, of Ipswich, Mass., the intense pressure of having to leave work precisely at 4:30 P.M., sometimes in the middle of a meeting, to get to her baby sitter's doorstep by 5:30 contributed to her decision to quit her job as a magazine editor.
"It was a frantic rush to get out of the office," Mrs. Parker said. "It was so stressful."
Even with a smooth departure, a woman can still feel stress when she gets home if her husband is unwilling or unavailable to help with child care, cooking and housework. And women whose husbands pitch in can still find themselves flying solo in the evenings.
The good news is that men in dual-income families are starting to catch up with women on household chores, said Rosalind C. Barnett, a senior scientist in the Women's Studies Program at Brandeis University in Waltham, Mass. Her research shows that women in dual-income couples do about 55 percent of the household chores, and men do about 45 percent.
But men who work full time put in an average of six to eight hours more a week at the office than women who work full time. Because those hours are usually tacked to the beginning or end of a man's workday, women must often take responsibility for feeding the children breakfast and dinner. "Men miss out on meal chores, and those tend to be very stressful," Dr. Barnett said.
There may be another reason husbands don't do more: their wives don't let them. In a recent study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, researchers at Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah, concluded that about 21 percent of working mothers are "gatekeepers" who limit their husband's participation in household tasks and child care.
ccording to Alan Hawkins, the director of the Family Studies Center at Brigham Young University and a co-author of the study, these mothers discourage their husbands from taking on household tasks and child care for several reasons: running the household reinforces their identity as mothers; they can't or won't let go of traditional conceptions of family roles, or their standards are so high that nobody else can satisfy them.
"Sometimes what it takes is being willing to turn a job over to your husband and letting him do it his way," Dr. Hawkins said.
Even if fathers help, working mothers say that planning and organization are crucial to removing stress from evening routines. But the unpredictability of children's behavior can throw kinks into even the most carefully engineered schedules. No amount of planning can prevent a poorly timed tantrum or bitter bickering between siblings.
"Children hold together until their parents pick them up from day care, and then they fall apart," said Carol A. Seefeldt, a professor of human development at the Institute for Child Study at the University of Maryland at College Park.
They fall apart for several reasons: hunger, excitement at seeing their parents, difficulty making transitions and fatigue, Dr. Seefeldt said. Fatigue may be the biggest problem.
"Many working parents keep their children up late at night so they can spend extra time with them," she said. "The child is often just physically exhausted."
Given the choice of dealing with all these stresses or making a job change, many couples opt for change. After her second child was born, Mrs. Parker, the former magazine editor, gave up her three-day-a-week job in Boston because the numbers didn't add up. After she subtracted day care costs of $4.50 an hour for each child from her part-time salary and added the stress of commuting two hours a day, she decided to stay home and squeeze in occasional writing and editing jobs during nap times and at night.
"I don't regret my decision for a minute," Mrs. Parker said.
Other parents -- particularly those whose high salaries give them financial flexibility -- reduce their hours and take a pay cut.
Dr. Barnett said the average highly educated professional works well over 50 hours a week, not including commuting time, but would like to reduce that commitment by at least 20 hours.
But what of women who can neither cut back on work nor quit their jobs? Psychologists and others who have studied work-life issues offered these suggestions for smoothing the evening rush hours:
Learn to "compartmentalize." When you are home, try your best to put work behind you and to focus on being a mother rather than an employee. If that is tough, keep a notebook or recorder at hand so that you can capture work-related thoughts, then move back to the home task at hand.
Take time to get reacquainted. Many women go home and immediately start on dinner preparations.
But dinner is not the most important thing on the evening's agenda; reconnecting with your family is. Offer the children a nutritious, high-protein snack, like cheese and orange juice, to stave off crankiness, then focus on them for a few minutes. Then, start dinner.
Cut corners wherever you can. Catherine Chambliss, a psychology professor at Ursinus College, near Philadelphia, recommends looking at your typical evening and asking this: What in our routine is the most onerous task? Can it be renegotiated in some way? "As the adult, you have the freedom to define the standard," Dr. Chambliss said.
If anyone knows of a websight, article sermon or anything for that matter that talks about the role of men working and the woman's role at home I would appreciate it. There is plenty on feminism, the role of a man or woman spiritually or physically but very little about what to do if you want to stay home but your husband forces you to work or won't let you quit your job. Most women that I know if they quit thier jobs it would destroy thier marriage. Ask any woman what her husband would say if she decided to quit her job and I rest my case. : )
Anyway, I want to help these forgotten women on how to make the best of things if you are forced to work.
Any info. you have is appreciated.
Thanks guys!
This Is Not God's Plan For A Family:
June 13, 1999
For Employed Moms, the Pinnacle of Stress Comes After Work Ends
By ALICE LESCH KELLY
usan Reiche, a public policy manager at AT&T in Basking Ridge, N.J., can handle what work throws at her from 9 to 5. It's what life throws at her between 5 and 9 that pushes her to the limit.
After she flips off her office computer, she hurries to a day care center to pick up her 4-year-old son and then rushes across town to fetch her 7-year-old daughter from an after-school program. She makes a quick trip to the store to buy food for dinner, then zips home, where she lets the dog out, makes dinner, referees a fight or two between the children, feeds the dog, says hello to her husband, gives her son a bath, helps her daughter with her spelling words, tosses a load of laundry into the washing machine, plays with her children, reads with them and puts them to bed.
Finally, about 9 P.M., she has a minute to sit down. Whew.
"Before that, the feeling is that if I can sit down, then I'm not doing everything I need to do," said Ms. Reiche, 37. "Most of the time, I don't even have a chance to change out of my work clothes."
For working mothers like Ms. Reiche, the evening is when all the roles they juggle -- employee, mother, wife -- come crashing together as they try to separate from work, spend time with their children and reconnect with their spouses. It's also a short window of time for a long list of chores, from homework to housework.
"For most working mothers, this is the most stressful part of the day," said Alice D. Domar, the director of the Mind/Body Center for Women's Health at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center, a Harvard University teaching hospital in Boston.
As Dr. Domar's research has shown, unrelenting stress is more than just an irritation. It can take a physical toll on a woman's body, weakening her immune system, threatening her cardiovascular system and contributing to headaches, backaches, gastrointestinal distress and insomnia.
Some of the factors that make up the evening rush could be described as the duel of the deadlines, the missing co-pilot and the unpredictable audience.
Just getting out of the office on time can jangle the nerves of the calmest of women, especially as the American economy has moved away from shift work. And day care centers and baby sitters can be just as unyielding, as any mother who's been scolded by a baby sitter or charged $1 a minute in late fees at a day care center that closes at 5:30 on the dot knows.
For Victoria Parker, 30, of Ipswich, Mass., the intense pressure of having to leave work precisely at 4:30 P.M., sometimes in the middle of a meeting, to get to her baby sitter's doorstep by 5:30 contributed to her decision to quit her job as a magazine editor.
"It was a frantic rush to get out of the office," Mrs. Parker said. "It was so stressful."
Even with a smooth departure, a woman can still feel stress when she gets home if her husband is unwilling or unavailable to help with child care, cooking and housework. And women whose husbands pitch in can still find themselves flying solo in the evenings.
The good news is that men in dual-income families are starting to catch up with women on household chores, said Rosalind C. Barnett, a senior scientist in the Women's Studies Program at Brandeis University in Waltham, Mass. Her research shows that women in dual-income couples do about 55 percent of the household chores, and men do about 45 percent.
But men who work full time put in an average of six to eight hours more a week at the office than women who work full time. Because those hours are usually tacked to the beginning or end of a man's workday, women must often take responsibility for feeding the children breakfast and dinner. "Men miss out on meal chores, and those tend to be very stressful," Dr. Barnett said.
There may be another reason husbands don't do more: their wives don't let them. In a recent study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, researchers at Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah, concluded that about 21 percent of working mothers are "gatekeepers" who limit their husband's participation in household tasks and child care.
ccording to Alan Hawkins, the director of the Family Studies Center at Brigham Young University and a co-author of the study, these mothers discourage their husbands from taking on household tasks and child care for several reasons: running the household reinforces their identity as mothers; they can't or won't let go of traditional conceptions of family roles, or their standards are so high that nobody else can satisfy them.
"Sometimes what it takes is being willing to turn a job over to your husband and letting him do it his way," Dr. Hawkins said.
Even if fathers help, working mothers say that planning and organization are crucial to removing stress from evening routines. But the unpredictability of children's behavior can throw kinks into even the most carefully engineered schedules. No amount of planning can prevent a poorly timed tantrum or bitter bickering between siblings.
"Children hold together until their parents pick them up from day care, and then they fall apart," said Carol A. Seefeldt, a professor of human development at the Institute for Child Study at the University of Maryland at College Park.
They fall apart for several reasons: hunger, excitement at seeing their parents, difficulty making transitions and fatigue, Dr. Seefeldt said. Fatigue may be the biggest problem.
"Many working parents keep their children up late at night so they can spend extra time with them," she said. "The child is often just physically exhausted."
Given the choice of dealing with all these stresses or making a job change, many couples opt for change. After her second child was born, Mrs. Parker, the former magazine editor, gave up her three-day-a-week job in Boston because the numbers didn't add up. After she subtracted day care costs of $4.50 an hour for each child from her part-time salary and added the stress of commuting two hours a day, she decided to stay home and squeeze in occasional writing and editing jobs during nap times and at night.
"I don't regret my decision for a minute," Mrs. Parker said.
Other parents -- particularly those whose high salaries give them financial flexibility -- reduce their hours and take a pay cut.
Dr. Barnett said the average highly educated professional works well over 50 hours a week, not including commuting time, but would like to reduce that commitment by at least 20 hours.
But what of women who can neither cut back on work nor quit their jobs? Psychologists and others who have studied work-life issues offered these suggestions for smoothing the evening rush hours:
Learn to "compartmentalize." When you are home, try your best to put work behind you and to focus on being a mother rather than an employee. If that is tough, keep a notebook or recorder at hand so that you can capture work-related thoughts, then move back to the home task at hand.
Take time to get reacquainted. Many women go home and immediately start on dinner preparations.
But dinner is not the most important thing on the evening's agenda; reconnecting with your family is. Offer the children a nutritious, high-protein snack, like cheese and orange juice, to stave off crankiness, then focus on them for a few minutes. Then, start dinner.
Cut corners wherever you can. Catherine Chambliss, a psychology professor at Ursinus College, near Philadelphia, recommends looking at your typical evening and asking this: What in our routine is the most onerous task? Can it be renegotiated in some way? "As the adult, you have the freedom to define the standard," Dr. Chambliss said.
That's wonderful Rivqah. So happy for you and your hubby. It takes diligence. One thought, what your doing to stay at home and take care of your family is commendable. What's beautiful is, how you and your husband are working together to make this happen. You folks have the right idea. It's near impossible to raise a godly family in any other way. Love, Margie
I'd love to read your thoughts on what you might do differently if you had (maybe you do) a daughter. I have SIX!!! And I have three sons...who, by the way, we are training to be the sole breadwinners and supporters of their future families so that their wives can STAY HOME. If we truly believe it and treasure it, we have to make some tough, unpopular choices for the next generation. Otherwise, nothing will change. 
Might save a lot of heartbreak.